One day I was driving Nancy and a couple other women from our congregation along a road in New Mexico while on a missions trip there.  An elderly Navajo woman was walking on the side of the road, and I asked her if she would like a ride.  With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.  Resuming the trip I tried in vain to make some small talk with the Navajo woman.  She just sat silently looking intently at everything she saw in the van.  Then the old woman noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Arlyn Hettinger.  "What’s in the bag?" she asked.  Arlyn looked down at the brown bag and said, "It’s a leather coat.  I got if for my husband."  The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.  Then, speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder she said, "Good trade."

So far Nancy has not tried to trade me for anything like a leather jacket, although you could hardly blame her if she did.  I am always comparing Nancy to my mother or, more accurately, an idealized version of my mother who was perfect in every way.  This reminds me of a little poem. "He didn’t like the casserole, and he didn’t like my cake.  My biscuits were too hard, not like his mother used to make.  I didn’t perk the coffee right, he didn’t like the stew.  I didn’t mend his socks the way his mother used to do.  I pondered for an answer, I was looking for a clue.  Then I turned around and smacked him like his mother used to do."

One of the favorite themes of jokes is marriage.  No surprise there, marriage is not easy.  Sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying.  Is marriage worth the struggle?  My experience with those couples who have gone the distance is that the blessings of a committed marriage far outweigh the struggles.  Perhaps that is why God has ordained marriage between a man and a woman as an exclusive relationship meant to last "until death we do part."

In our Old Testament text we read: "I hate divorce," says the Lord Almighty (Malachi 2:16).  In our New Testament text Jesus says: Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate (Verse 9).  Why do you suppose God hates divorce so?  The title of our message gives us a clue: "For the Kids."  I remember disparaging that remark when I was a college student.  Many of my contemporaries and I had heard that remark in the movies and on TV coming from parents whose marriages were struggling with the strains of raising a family, keeping a household and maintaining a profession—parents who were not exactly happy at the moment, but were "staying together for the kids."

We were not going to "stay together for the kids," by George.  We were going to stay together because we were so "together" that life was going to be blissful and ecstatic all the time.  Boy, were we conceited—and wrong.  We got divorced in record numbers.  But at least we didn’t "stay together for the kids."  And guess who suffered the most?  The kids.  As it turns out, the kids are not such a bad reason after all for sticking it out in a marriage.  That is what we find in both our Old and New Testament texts for this morning.

These are not easy texts to read in this modern day and age, because fully half of us have been divorced.  I have actually been divorced myself in a biblical sort of way.  You will recall that Joseph and Mary were only betrothed to one another when Joseph thought of divorcing her.  I was engaged to be married to a woman once, and we broke off the engagement.  In Jesus’ day that would have been regarded as a divorce.  Regardless, divorce is very common today.

And it is a very complex issue because there is a big difference between a legal divorce and a marriage that has been destroyed by an offending party to it.  By the way, you have heard that it was said: "It takes two to make a marriage and it takes two to break a marriage."  But I tell you that it only takes one to break a marriage, and more often than not that is precisely the case.  I will also tell you that the one seeking a legal divorce is not always the one who has broken the marriage vows.

One time, in the first church I served, a stranger practically dragged his wife into my office, slammed a Bible down on my desk and said: "Reverend, show her where it says that God hates divorce."  It turns out that this fellow had beat his wife, cheated on her and otherwise abused her to such a point that she had sought to divorce him.  Not everyone who seeks a legal divorce is responsible for destroying his or her marriage.  Many marriages are destroyed by utter disregard for the other’s well-being long before the legal paperwork is signed.

After all, what is marriage in the eyes of God?  In our text Jesus quotes from the Old Testament book of Genesis saying: But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.  For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’  So they are no longer two, but one" (Verses 6-8).  Marriage is when two become one.  It is no longer "me" but "we."  It is no longer just my happiness, my contentment and my way that matters.  I am now just as concerned that your happiness, your contentment and your way matters just as much as my own.

This explains how one party can destroy a marriage unilaterally.  When I quit caring about you and your well-being, I quit on our marriage, I destroy our marriage, I am unfaithful to my marriage vows to love, honor and cherish you.  Marital unfaithfulness is much more than sexual unfaithfulness.  Sexual unfaithfulness is grounds for divorce to be sure, and that according to Jesus, because one is selfishly doing about the worst thing one can do to the person one is supposed to love the most.  But there are many other ways we can quit on a marriage—and destroy a marriage—besides that.

I do not expect anyone to maintain the appearance of a marriage with someone else who has unilaterally destroyed it.  Life is too short.  I will help someone find a good divorce lawyer where an unrepentant partner has reneged on wedding vows.  On the other side of the coin, where I find a husband or wife willing and able to be a committed partner to a marriage at risk, I will give no quarter to that person’s spouse in terms of an excuse for pulling out.  I do not believe this business about falling out of love, or needing a little space—baloney!  Commitment is a choice, not a feeling.

I am sure that there have been times when Nancy has looked at me and wondered to herself, "What was I thinking?"  That is when marriage partners have to draw upon their faith and figure, "Well, the Lord works in mysterious ways.  But what God has joined together I will not separate."  Believe me, where you have two godly spouses who refuse to separate what God has brought together, well, you have two spouses who will never separate from one another.

I believe God will bless a marriage like that, and that the struggles all marriage partners have to go through as life expects the best from them will not be worth comparing with the lasting joy and contentment God will bring to such a marriage.  And since most marriages involve children, I will say that business about God’s blessing goes doubly for them.  Have you ever met a kid that would not prefer to grow up in a stable, loving environment that included both a committed mom and dad?  Have you ever met a kid that preferred a divorce over a faithful marriage between parents?

And here we are arriving at the main reason God hates divorce.  In our Old Testament Lesson the prophet Malachi says of marriage partners: Has not the Lord made them one?  In flesh and spirit they are his.  And why one?  Because he was seeking godly offspring (Malachi 2:15).  One or more unfaithful parents cannot help but negatively affect kids.  Divorce cannot help but negatively affect Kids.  Hopefully kids will learn to compensate for not getting what every child of God deserves during their developmental years—a stable, loving family environment.  Some do, but many do not.

This hurts Jesus.  Do you know why the New Testament text assigned for today proceeds directly from Jesus’ teaching about divorce to his blessing of the children?  Because, like Malachi, Jesus knew there was a connection between marriage and his ability to bless children.  He said, Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these (Verse 14).  Divorce hinders children from coming to Jesus.  It certainly does not help them discover the kingdom of God.  If anything helps, it is a good, loving and stable family environment in which to be born and raised.